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Welcome to my fibro-flare. This will probably derail the health challenge for a week, but, during this time, I plan on focusing on some different aspects of health, particularly allowing myself to rest and giving myself grace. These elements of my life are actually more important than any striving toward health I can achieve. They are also the hardest to master.
How Did I Rest Today?
Called In Sick – I hate doing this, but I swallowed my pride. I was having severe myoclonic jerks, fainted, and had to crawl to the phone to call my boss to tell her I would not be able to make it.
Friends Spoke Into My Life – There are many women that I admire how they walk through this life with their particular challenges. Two spoke encouragement into my life today. I will share their encouragement with you.
“One of the things that kept me going was the next chapter in The Broken Way: A Daring Path into the Abundant Life, where she talks about Shalom counting our days like kernels of wheat that must die in order to bear fruit. Dying daily. So today that meant gritting my teeth against complaining and bitterness even though my body rebelled. And crying out to Jesus to take it away and praising him even when he didn’t. I know you know exactly what that feels like, that dying and that resurrection.” – Lauren White
Another friend, Mary Abram, shared the following verses with me.
The context for this verse is when Nebuchadnezzar threatens to put Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego into the fiery furnace if they do not bow down to his golden image. She pointed out to me the essential phrase of “but if not”.
“If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” – Daniel 3:17-18
David voices his troubles to God, but then he says this beautiful verse. Mary pointed out the word “nevertheless”.
“Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand.” – Psalm 73:23
Slept – My husband had to encourage me to do this because I have been having a hard time sleeping lately, waking up more tired than when I fell asleep and just lying in the bed hoping I will fall asleep. I have been having terrible nightmares which cause me to be more anxious than when I went to sleep. Once I laid on our bed though, God granted me sweet sleep for a long time.
Ate Pre-made Meals – Even though I was at home, I allowed myself to eat the pre-made meals I had for my lunches. By the way, Kroger has these amazing pre-made salads that taste fantastic and are relatively inexpensive. Just sayin’.
How Did I Give Myself Grace Today?
Self-Talk – When I started wanting to mentally beat myself up for not making it to work, I told myself that this was out of my control. I did not wish to take the time off. I did not try to sabotage myself in any way to be unable to make it to work. This was within God’s plan because it was happening. It was happening, and He loves me. Therefore, my fibro-flare must be good for me or others. I also made my brain look at this day off as a gift. God gave me an extra day to rest. To train my thoughts, I mentally used this cognitive behavioral therapy resource called thought-record.
Meditate – Some may think of this as a luxury, but I view it as essential for recovery. I repeated this phrase to myself as a sort of summary of the verses above:
“And if not, God is still good.”
As I repeated it, I did not stay still but did yoga poses. I don’t do well with still meditation. My body just starts the myoclonic jerks again. I felt calmer and less stiff afterward. As I meditated, my “mantra” turned into thanking God for what I did have today: a comfortable bed, the ability to take the day off, pre-made meals, a supportive husband, etc.
Bath – I knew that I needed to be clean but couldn’t stand in the shower, so I took a nice warm bath, congratulating myself on accommodating my needs. As I soaked my muscles, I read The Broken Way: A Daring Path into the Abundant Life. That relaxed me enough to take another well-needed nap.
Thank you, God for giving me another day of rest this week. Please let me use it wisely and allow me to be well enough to go to work tomorrow. Amen.